It’s been over a month since I last blogged and God has been doing a lot in me.  I have thought about writing so many times, but I just wasn’t ready yet.   It’s interesting how in times of suffering or difficulty we are tempted to go it alone.  A classic symptom of depression is isolating one’s self.  Why is it that when things are hard we prefer to take it on our own? That’s certainly not everyone’s tendency, but it is something I struggle with, even in my relationship with God.  Two nights ago when I was feeling down, tired of the waiting, I was tempted to just wallow in my mood…to “feed” my sadness.  But I knew that wasn’t the right thing to do.  I quietly, almost half-heartedly, asked God to give me some form of encouragement.  He prompted me to open my devotional book and spend some time with Him.  I was reluctant but chose to do so.  The passage for my devotion was Psalm 107.   It spoke to me so clearly, particularly verses 4-9. 

 Psalm 107

 4 Some wandered in desert wastelands,
       finding no way to a city where they could settle.
 5 They were hungry and thirsty,
       and their lives ebbed away.
 6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
       and he delivered them from their distress.
 7 He led them by a straight way
       to a city where they could settle.
 8 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
       and his wonderful deeds for men,
 9 for he satisfies the thirsty
       and fills the hungry with good things.

It does feel as though we are wandering in desert wastelands and to some extent that our lives are “ebbing away”.  It’s easy to doubt that God has us out here for a reason.  It’s easy to doubt that we’ll ever make it to Iran.  It’s easy to question God’s methods or timing.  But He is encouraging me lately that despite the fact that it feels like this waiting will never end, there is coming a day when we will again settle.  The above passage speaks to that and that He will satisfy. 
What really gives all this extra impact is that a little over a week ago, as I was praying to God, He brought to mind Jeremiah 29:13:  “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart”.  I went to look up that passage, but started back in verse 4 and was struck by these verses:

Jeremiah 29:4-7 

 4 This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.”

God has now led me to two passages within a week of each other that talk about settling. He knows my heart and my needs and He is providing just the right encouragement.   

But wait, there is more.

Today during my time with God my devotional led me to Psalm 16 and asked me to think of a place of refuge…what visual images come to mind when you think of God being a refuge?   I began to visualize a courtyard with lots of grass, or a park with lots of flowers and trees, and memories of parks and gardens that I had been to came to mind.  All of the sudden I realized the images in my mind were from the parks and gardens of Iran.  I hadn’t consciously thought of Iran these were just the images that came to mind.  And tears filled my eyes as I realized how God is transforming the desires of my heart.  Because although we’ve long had our sights set on Iran, I can’t say I ever would have said that I saw it as a place of refuge. 

And so I can speak with great confidence today that God is good.  He meets us where we are.  His Word can speak powerfully into our lives and His Spirit can transform our minds and hearts.  We just have to put ourselves aside and ask Him to. 

Here is a little (7 meg) video of Tad playing in the mud.

Video

Jeff

Here are a few pictures from January 2007. A few Christmas pictures snuck in there somehow also.
Pictures

(opens in a new window)

Jeff

A bit of a random meandering if I may….I think I suffer from TCP/IP-OCD, that is, Transmission Control Protocol Internet Protocol Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I define this as “The uncomfortable feeling associated with having an unlimited-usage high-speed internet connection sitting idle”.

While we are very anxious to be out of Bahrain, I feel blessed to be in an apartment that comes with a broadband internet connection. I can upload videos of Tad for family and friends to see, do research for business items, and generally remain in contact with everyone easily.

For me, this blessing comes with a dark side.

When I am not uploading or downloading files and the wireless access point is just sitting there, idle, I can see the bits spraying out of the antenna, hitting the walls, and pooling up on the floor, wasted, dying.

My disorder causes me to try to keep the connection running at all times, transmitting or receiving data, downloading SOMETHING so I don’t miss out on all that free bandwidth. So the bits don’t die with a feeling of never having accomplished anything.

Sometimes I download programs I will probably never use. Sometimes I download big programs just to watch how fast they arrive. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling to know I can click here or there and bytes race to my computer as fast as their little 1s and 0s can carry them.

In the darkest hours, I long to be back in a time when all I had was a 56K modem on a dial-up connection. The bits took their time getting to me, hanging out in the routers with the other bits, talking about protocols or gateways. I knew data would take forever to download so I didn’t worry about wasting bits, there were none to waste! You could say bit unemployment was low in those days.

At any rate, they say the first step to healing is admitting you have a problem. I’d better go download a PDF of the other eleven steps, I’m up to my ankles in bits already……
Jeff